It’s happened to us all. One day you have 230 friends, the next day you inexplicably have 229. You frantically search through your friends list to see who is missing. Sometimes you figure it out right away, and other times it’s weeks later when you realize your second cousin Barry in Milwaukee is no longer appearing in your feed.
“Why, Barry? Why?” you ask, as you pour over your status updates wondering what could have possibly offended him.
Well, the answer why your friend is no longer your friend is usually very simple, and one of three things:
1. They hate you.
Either they find you annoying, obnoxious, or otherwise unpalatable. Maybe you spend too much time talking about your breakfast, or posting pictures of your dog in unusual positions. Not everybody digs that sort of thing, you know. Or maybe you have offended them so deeply that they cannot bear to look at your name anymore. I’ve been there. Loads of people hate me. Even worse for the ego than being unfriended is being outright blocked. That is the passive aggressive version of kicking you in the groin and running away screaming.
You might wonder why, if they hate you, were they friends with you to begin with? Interestingly enough, sometimes people don’t realize they hate someone until they have to spend a lot of time looking at their thoughts. After six months of enduring upside down dogs, they probably just said to themselves, “Whoa, this person is lame. See ya.”
2. They left Facebook.
This happens too. It may look like they ditched you but they actually just deactivated their account. There is a way to tell, though, which may ease your mind if you can’t think of any reason Barry would hate you. Go to your Timeline and click on the Friends block at the top. This will show you all your friends. Scroll down to the very bottom, which could take some time if other people actually like you, and you’ll see all the deactivated people at the bottom. Then breathe a sigh of relief that Barry has just deactivated his account for some reason. Don’t dwell on what that reason is, however, because that will take you further into your ego-squelching spiral if you think that it’s because something you said stressed him out to the point where he can’t look at Facebook again. More likely the deactivation is something more mundane, like he’s going away on a business trip or it’s been court-mandated as part of his restraining order.
This doesn’t actually happen. See numbers 1 and 2 instead.