Samsung Galaxy S3 Tips: S Voice

 Gadgets, General, Phones  No Responses »
Jul 152012
 

I smell a conspiracy.  S Voice sort-of worked when I first got my GS3 a week or so ago.  Now, all it will do is open Pandora.  I have the suspicion that the features have been quietly disabled due to Apple’s whining about Siri.

For example, the first day I had the GS3 I asked it what the weather was like, and it sarcastically told me it was 94 degrees and sunny.  Or at least it seemed sarcastic.  It didn’t exactly yell, “Why don’t you look out the window yourself?!?” but again, there was a “tone.”

Now I ask what the weather is like, it says “Network Error.  Go away.”  Or something like that.  It just seems really pissy.  It would probably make John Malkovich cry.

I thought I would have to take some screenshots of its pissy network error attitude problem to prove my point, but when I went to do that, lo and behold, it worked again.  However, it answered the question only in text, without its snarky voice accompaniment. So instead I got this valuable information:

 

It knows exactly how old Justin Bieber is, but it is so self-loathing that it doesn’t care how old itself is, and it can’t do math:

All things considered, S Voice is pretty useless and needs a lot of work.  So I will stop talking about it now.

Instead, here’s a bonus tip:  to take a screenshot of your Galaxy, like those above, pretend that you are going to karate chop the phone out of frustration, but instead of obliterating it, gently swipe the edge of your hand over the screen.

Samsung Galaxy S3 Tips: Face Unlock

 Future, Gadgets, General, Phones  6 Responses »
Jul 122012
 

I received my Verizon version of the Samsung Galaxy S3 last week, so I will now hand out free tips.  You’re welcome.  Today I will cover the Face Unlock feature, which is actually available on any ol’ Android phone running Ice Cream Sandwich.  It goes something like this:  When you want to unlock the phone, normally you would swipe your finger across the screen.  But Apple decided that they own that feature, so now you must use your face. Okay, that’s not exactly accurate.  You can still use the swiping motion, which by default looks like water and is sort of fun, but it’s even more fun to use your face.  I mean, when isn’t it, really?

So to use the Face Unlock, follow these steps.

Step 1.  Go to Face Unlock.  This may seem obvious but then again, you might have no idea where to find it.  Do this.  Press on the menu button, then settings, then security.

Then press Screen Lock:

Then under Screen Lock , choose Face Unlock.  It will warn you that it’s not really that secure, because apparently someone can just hold a picture of you up to the phone and unlock it, if they felt like it.  It does seem like that would be a lot of work though, because they would have to have a picture of you available.  Or maybe if you’re getting mugged and the mugger knocks you out, they could hold your head up to it and unlock it that way.  Maybe that’s what it means by “low security.”  Anyway…

2.  Follow the prompts to set it up.  Initially, it will take a picture of your face.  However, as we all know, your face may look different at any given moment.  We will get to that in a minute.  Right now just do what the phone says, and when it’s done, also follow the prompts to set your screen unlock pattern or PIN for those moments when the Face Unlock invariably fails.

3.  Now that that’s done, you need to go back to the security settings (second picture above) and click on Improve Facial Recognition.  Spend the next 15 minutes walking around your house, improving your image from all different angles and lighting, with glasses, without glasses, with your nighttime acne cream, without your nighttime acne cream, wearing a ski mask, not wearing a ski mask  and, most importantly, making weird faces, like so:

This way, if the phone ever catches you in the middle of a yawn, or when you just wake up, or when you’re yelling at your kids to stop looking at dodgy videos on Youtube, or when you just feel like making a weird face, it will recognize you.

One tip:  Mine generally doesn’t recognize me if I am holding it down near my lap and I look at it.  It tells me I have an extra chin that is not there when it sees me from a more level angle.  Galaxy is judgy, did I mention that?  She has a “tone” that she uses that is reminiscent of GLADoS from Portal.

 

Next time, I will address S Voice and what the S stands for.  (Hint, it’s not Siri)

 

The art and science of robotic talking customer service reps

 Complaining, Gadgets, General, Phones  No Responses »
May 042012
 
motorival

So my husband, who hates technological advancements, has a really crappy cell phone.  He refuses to get a smart phone because he thinks it will watch him all the time like the XBox Kinect does.  However, his old junkie flip phone has seen better days, so I thought I would be nice and get him a slightly better but still crappy flip phone off of eBay.

eBay, in case you weren’t aware, is not just a place to buy taxidermied shrimp.  You can also buy other junk there, including a Motorola Rival for like 30 bucks.  I was all excited when it came in the mail yesterday, despite its craptitude, because it was new and shiny.

But I went to activate it and this happened:

Verizon Wireless Website told me,  ”Your account has been LOCKED!  You are obviously up to no good and deserve eternal punishment, so please call Verizon Customer Service at blah blah blah.”

What the…  grrr.  Okay, so I tell my husband (whom I will call Rob because that’s his name) that he needs to call to get his account unlocked.

He immediately broke into hives but he did as he was told.

Verizon Wireless Customer Service Bot:  “If you want Technical Support, press or say One.  If you want to talk about your bill, press or say Two.  If you want something else, just tell me and I will figure it out because I am cool like that.”

Rob:  ”Need to unlock account.”

Verizon Wireless Customer Service Robot:  “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you just said.  Perhaps you should try enunciating better.  Or if you need Spanish, press or say Thirty-Six.”

Rob: “I need to unlock my account.”

Verizon Wireless Customer Service Robot: “Do you need to unlock your phone?  If so, press the unlock button.  Thank you and have a good day.”

Rob:  ”NO!  I need to unlock my account!”

Verizon Wireless Customer Service Robot:  “Just to be sure, please say your account password.”

Rob: “I don’t know my account password!”

Verizon Wireless Customer Service Robot: “Please say your account password!”

Rob:  ”If I knew my account password, I wouldn’t need to call you.”

Verizon Wireless Customer Service Robot: “I’m sorry, I have no idea what you just said.  Perhaps some elocution lessons will help you.”

Rob:  ”I NEED TO UNLOCK MY ACCOUNT!”

Verizon Wireless Customer Service Robot:  “Please stay on the line and someone will assist you in approximately 27 minutes. Hopefully you will hang up in frustration before that point.”

So then a human or more advanced android came on and talked Rob through resetting his account.  Sighing with relief, he handed the task over to me to activate the thing.

And of course, the activation failed.  (“What, did you buy that off the back of a truck?” -”No, I got it on eBay!” – “Same thing.”)

You know what this means – I had to call Verizon again.  I talked to a nice robot named Chad who lived in Utah and knew what the sun was.  Long story short, one hour and twelve minutes later I was told that I got a bad phone, I should return it, or did I want to use our upgrade to get something more snazzy?  No, I sighed, not today.  Defeated, I reactivated his old crappy flip phone, which he is perfectly fine with.

Then I went and ordered another one on eBay.

 

Thunder and Fruit

 Gadgets, Phones  No Responses »
Apr 032011
 

After three weeks of Droid-less existence, I happened upon an HTC Thunderbolt.  By “happened upon” I mean I was waiting outside the Verizon store’s door the day it went on sale.  It was kind of like this scene here except without any of the fanfare.  Okay it was actually nothing like that at all.

So my review of the Thunderbolt is as follows – love it.  It’s fast and sleek and has a big screen for my failing vision.  It also weighs a ton and the battery life sucks, but that is the price to pay for such badassery.  The ‘Bolt is Verizon’s first 4G LTE phone, and I hear that its download times are super fast in LTE areas, but alas, I am about 1.3 miles outside the perimeter, which is just my luck.  Still, next time I head one town over I am going to be rocking the internet.

Anyway, on to the real story.  Liam wants to give reviews of his favorite apps, which I will allow because he is cuter than me and I hate the sound of my voice on a recording because I sound like I could be a bit player on iCarly.

 

Requiem for a Droid

 Gadgets, General, Phones  No Responses »
Feb 252011
 

Dead Droid

Droid, I only knew you for 15 short months but we shared some special times and you will be missed.

Remember the first time I rooted you?  And how about the time you introduced me to the magic of flinging birds at spherical porcine adversaries?  And how about when we went to Disney World and you told me exactly how long the wait was for each ride?  Good times, my friend.  Good times.

Well, it’s over now.  Sorry for accidentally killing you.  It came about suddenly, without warning, and now I am left with nothing but a Blackberry until your successor comes along.

Some remembrances from friends:

“You should get an iPhone.” (Upon learning Droid was dead)

“What the hell was that?” (following “Droooid!” ringtone in conference room meeting)

“You love your Droid more than you love me!” (said by child after not allowing him candy for dinner.  Droid could have candy for dinner.)

Fare thee well, Motorola Droid A855.  It was nice knowing you.

Nook Color’s Alter-ego

 eBooks, Gadgets, General  No Responses »
Jan 122011
 

By day he is a mild-mannered e-reader.  By night he is a fully functioning Android tablet.  Well, he can do that during the day as well, but you get my point.

How did this happen?  Well, it was quite easy, actually.  Nook Color fell into a glowing otherworldly substance which turned his meek e-reader technology into something much more powerful.  Or, truth be told, I rooted it.

Now, this process is not for the faint of heart.  If you don’t follow the directions to the letter your device will literally explode like that one episode of Lost where the freighter blew up and everyone thought Jin was dead only he was really floating on a log.  Kind of like that.  It will also send you traveling through the space-time continuum, but that’s less important.

In case you’re wondering why I should attempt such a risky endeavor – well, that answer is easy.  To play Angry Birds.  Isn’t that the reason people have gadgets these days, anyway?

angry birds 1angry birds 2angry birds 3Angry birds again

Happy Boxing Day

 eBooks, Gadgets  No Responses »
Dec 262010
 

According to Wikipedia:

Boxing Day is a bank or public holiday that occurs on 26 December, or the first or second weekday after Christmas Day, depending on national laws. It is observed in Australia, Austria,Canada, New Zealand, the United Kingdom, and in some Commonwealth nations that have a mainly Christian population.

However,  since I do not live in any of the aforementioned nations (although I do attend school in one), Boxing Day in my house means that my kids beat the snot out of each other due to Christmas present disputes.

Yesterday my household acquired the following technological marvels:

1.  An Xbox 360 with Kinect.  Fun.  Lots of fun.  But strangely enough, Xboxes do not play Blu-Rays, which is stinky.  And Kinectimals, while adorable, was declared to be “too hard” by the 8-year-old because the poor Kinect was overtaxed trying to track his spastic movements.

2.  A Nook Color.  Also fun, but just for me.  No one else cares.

3.  Epic Mickey.  Supposedly fun, but only for my husband.  The children have long since lost interest and have gone back to fighting.

4.  A Nintendo DSi XL.  That’s a lot of letters.  This is fun for the 5-year-old, but not so much for the 8-year-old who got a DSi last Christmas and thus wasn’t due for an upgrade.

5.  A winning scratch ticket.  That’s mine.  50 bucks, baby!

Also making an appearance is a blizzard, but Santa didn’t bring that.  Nor did he bring any groceries in anticipation of it.

Anyway, happy Boxing Day to those of you who think it’s an actual holiday.

Holiday wish list and other observations

 Gadgets, General  2 Responses »
Dec 102010
 

Hi.  It’s been a while.  Since I got a job a couple of months ago, it leaves me precious little time to waste time.

But I couldn’t let the holiday season go by without discussing what I want.  After all, that’s what Christmas is all about.  So let’s get started.

1.  iPad.

iPad

2.  Nook Color.

3.  Labradoodle

However, as I understand it, if you’re a grown-up Santa doesn’t just give cool things away, like Google does.  And there are supposedly quarantine regulations that prohibit the importation of puppies from the North Pole.

So that leaves me with the less desirable:

1.  Socks

2.  Fruit Cake

3.  Humidifier

See, the key is to keep your expectations low.  If you go in expecting a new 52 inch 4D TV with augmented magical abilities and a sentient remote control, and then you get a single Lego in a large box, you will be undoubtedly disappointed.  My motto is:  always think fruitcake.

R2-Droid2

 Gadgets, Phones  2 Responses »
Aug 132010
 

I am undecided on the coolness factor of this:  R2-D2 Droid 2

On the one hand, in theory, nerds should love it. On the other hand, nerds may hate it because it is not an exact scale replica of an actual astromech droid.

But on the third hand (if you have one), my kids would think this was the coolest most awesome thing ever. On the fourth hand (now we’re getting into mutant territory), would I really want something that my kids thought was the coolest most awesome thing ever? Then I would never get to play with it.

 Older Entries